As a teenager, do you remember fighting a lot with your parents?
And maybe it wasn’t until becoming a parent that you started to see things from a different perspective.
Odds are that you’ve had conversations with students about how to navigate a healthy relationship with their parents. You might even have done messages in the past on the topic.
We wanted to provide you with a resource to share with the parents of students in your ministry. Something that would empower them to stop fighting with their teenagers. Something that would enable you to address this common problem with a different approach.
So, we created this blog post. Check it out and be sure to share it with parents. We think they”ll find it very helpful.
– The Parent Ministry Team
HOW TO PREVENT FIGHTS WITH TEENAGERS
Sometimes it seems that everything is a fight with teenagers. Things that used to be a no brainer suddenly are a battle.
It’s time for bed. (fight)
Put your phone away at the dinner. (grunts)
You can’t watch that show on Netflix. (pout session)
You can do better in that class. (excuses)
Why do we face these epic battles at home? Why are our teenagers not as cute as they were in 3rd grade? Why is my blood pressure always so high at home with my teen? It’s simple.
They are naturally pulling away from you and God made them that way. Yes, God made teens, and you can blame Him.
Teenagers are discovering independence, and they long for it.
They are hardwired to find their own identity and it’s part of their maturing process. The tension arises because you are losing control, and parents naturally hate this season.
We were teens, and we don’t want our teens making the same choices we made.
Power struggles with teens arise when we are parenting out of fear and control rather than faith and hope.
You are as much to blame for power struggles as your teen. I know you did not want to hear that.
Your goals and expectations as a parent greatly shape what you fight for. You can choose to parent trusting God with your teen or you can lean into your own ability and grasp at control.
Grasping for continual control will lead to more power struggles.
Here is our goal as parents…
Proverbs 23:19: My child, listen and be wise: Keep your heart on the right course.
Our mission is to keep their hearts on the right course because it’s impossible to have control of our teen’s choices and future.
Control is an illusion in parenting.
Your teen is in more control than they know, so while they are still unsure of how much power they have, now is the time to influence them more than control them.
In order to influence and avoid power struggles try these moves…
Give them opportunities to build trust and fail.
Teens learn to handle freedom as they have small amounts of it. When we give our teens moments of freedom, we are opening up doors for coaching moments.
They will fail but rather than revoke freedom give more chances and provide more coaching. When you say no to everything you are setting yourself up for continual conflict.
Say “yes” in stages so you can be a part of their growth process.
Set goals and clear expectations.
When a child is asking for something that you are not sure about don’t get angry just set goals!
Explain to your teen what needs to happen in order for this next step of freedom.
Allow your teen to ask questions and challenge, but follow up with clear goals and expectations for what is next.
Choose what really matters to you and let other things go.
Decide now what is really important to you.
What are the big issues for you as a parent?
Focus on those big issues, but allow other issues to be minor issues in your home. Don’t keep up with your neighbors.
Decide what matters to you, then focus on that. Let other issues go. Don’t make everything a battle with your teen.
Your home does not have to be a battle zone.
Take a step back and work on a plan this month to avoid the power struggle with your teen.
You can do this!
Liked this blog post? You’ll also like this one: How to Deal with Angry Teens