Who Does God Say I Am?: Nurturing a Child’s Identity Development
by Amy Diller
I love watching little ones gaze at themselves in a mirror. The house we lived in when our oldest was born had a full-length mirror at the end of the hallway. I remember standing in front of it and curiously studying her reflection. Her giggles and babbles were a delight. Early on, I knew she was observing the “other child,” but as our daughter grew, she became more and more aware that the baby in the mirror was actually her. She was beginning to understand her own sense of self.
Perhaps the most important part of a child’s development is the formation of identity. Shaped through beliefs, experiences, relationships, and a sense of purpose, identity defines who we are, what we do, and how we interact with the world around us. As parents, we have a responsibility to encourage our children to see themselves through God’s eyes. Establishing a firm foundation of identity rooted in God’s truth enables our kids to sort through what culture tells them and measure those messages against what God says.
Culture tells us that how we look, what we have, and what we do define who we are. Those often unrealistic ideals show up in TV shows, movies, music, advertising, and social media targeted toward adults and children alike. In addition to these age-old pressures, we are now faced with messages about gender and sexuality that are contrary to God’s design. Our kids are growing up in a world that says they can be whoever they want to be, whether it fits into a godly framework or not. Coming to understand who they are in Christ is absolutely vital now more than ever.
The first thing we can do as parents is to teach our kids scripture that says who they are. We can help them memorize verses that speak about their identity and use them as prayers for and with our children.
Genesis 1:27 tells us, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” This truth helps our children understand their value as an image-bearer of God. As a child grows and develops, it’s our responsibility to guide them in understanding this marvelous truth as they explore their identity and learn to see themselves as uniquely created by God.
Psalm 139 beautifully describes the connection between God and His children. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Teaching children how God made them and knows them by name helps them feel a sense of security, love, and belonging in Him. God’s perfect love, along with the love we have for our children, creates a spiritually nurturing environment for kids to grow in knowing who they are.
Another thing we can do for our children to help them form identity is to focus on character qualities when we praise them. When you see your child displaying traits like kindness, compassion, and joy, point it out. Tell them when you observe them sharing, serving others, being obedient, and displaying generosity. Encourage them that these godly choices reflect God’s image to others and are pleasing to Him. By celebrating these things, we help our kids find purpose in who God created them to be.
To help our kids shape a healthy sense of identity, we need to see the positives in ourselves. Children pick up on the attitudes of others around them. If you struggle with low self-esteem and are often down on yourself, this affects your children, too. Be sure you’re internalizing the same messages about who God created you to be as the ones you communicate to your children. Invite the Lord to speak His words of life over you and to heal those places where you view yourself in a negative light. The positive messages you share with your child are meant for you, too.
As parents, our voices are most important in nurturing our children’s identity, but ours aren’t the only ones kids hear. Extended family, friends, and teachers in a child’s life can also contribute to a child’s sense of identity. Giving your kids the opportunity to form healthy relationships with other people in their lives can reinforce the positive messages of security, love, and purpose you are teaching them. Although you can’t eliminate every negative voice they hear, you can make sure your kids spend time surrounded by those who reinforce what you’re teaching them.
Paying attention to the media our kids consume is also very important. The messages in shows, music, and social media speak loudly, often in a way that takes root quickly. Kids soak in the world around them, even when ideas are subtle. As often as you can, watch things with your child. Talk about what happens in the story and how the characters act. Use these opportunities to highlight good choices and positive traits. Be choosy about music. Many popular songs are very catchy, but the content is questionable, especially for children. Put off social media until your children are older and better able to identify messages that are contrary to what you’ve instilled in them.
As we surround our children with the message, “I am safe, I am loved, and I have a purpose,” we equip them to embrace their identity as a child of God and encourage them to follow Him with confidence, knowing who and whose they are. May we be faithful in our responsibility to guide our children to embrace their identity in Christ.