Helping Parents Survive Difficult Circumstances with Their Teens
by Karin Sasser
As a youth leader, you know the incredibly weighty issues many teens face today: gender identity, sexual identity, drug use, promiscuity, failing grades, bullies, and the list goes on. Many of these are a parent’s worst nightmare, but chances are you will have at least a few parents whose teenagers are struggling with one of these difficult circumstances. So, how can you support parents going through challenging times with their teens?
Be a listening ear.
As a youth leader, you may not have all the answers, but you can certainly be a place where a parent can vent their frustrations and fears. Sometimes, what a parent needs most is a compassionate ear – someone to say, “I see you. I hear you. I know this is hard.” The next thing they may need to hear is, “How can I help?” At times, they may say what they really needed was someone to listen. Other times, they may have specific requests, and other times, they may be at a loss for what they need. The following are some suggestions on how you can help.
Encourage parents to do their best to keep an open line of communication with their teens.
Parents need to remember that not every conversation they have with their child needs to be centered around whatever difficult topic they are navigating. There needs to be space for normal conversations to happen. Parents also need to find things to praise their teens for so that not every conversation is a negative one and so teens don’t begin to define themselves by one particular aspect or decision in their lives. Ultimately, parents want their kids to be able to talk to them about anything and everything, so it’s important that they assess if they are fostering an environment that is conducive to open communication.
Remind them the most important thing every child needs is to be loved, and that is something every parent is equipped to do.
Parents can feel overwhelmed and helpless at times when their kids and the decisions they are making are out of their control, especially when they feel like their teen is heading down a destructive or unhealthy path. Often, they just want to fix things. They want to do something to change the course of their child’s life. We all know this isn’t always possible, but what they can do is offer unconditional love, even in the midst of discipline and disappointment. This unconditional love can have a lasting impact and be a foundation for change, even if parents don’t see an immediate result.
Connect them with other parents who are facing similar circumstances or have been through it and come out on the other side.
Chances are, if you have had one parent come to you with a challenging situation, there are others you know who are or have experienced something similar. If you don’t know anyone personally, it’s likely someone you know does. When appropriate, try to connect a parent with someone who has already walked in their shoes.
Point them toward resources if needed.
Have a list of Christian counselors who work with adolescents. Procure a list of books, articles, or websites that are a solid resource for specific issues you know your students are facing.
Remind them not to overlook what their Heavenly Father can provide for them through tough times.
While you don’t want to be trite or insensitive to a parent faced with a difficult parenting situation, you do want to encourage them to look to God for strength, peace, perseverance, and discernment.
Lastly, pray for your parents and the specific situations their kids are facing.
When meeting with a parent, ask if you can pray for them on the spot. Ask them how you can be specifically praying for them and their teen moving forward. Follow up with them occasionally to let them know they are not alone and see if there are updates for their prayer needs.