Finding Mentors for Your Child
by Amy Diller

As parents, we are our children’s first and most important teachers. They learn about God and the world around them through our words and examples. We help to influence their emerging character traits. A child’s faith formation relies heavily on how we model being disciples of Jesus. As kids head into their older elementary, adolescent, and teen years, other people’s influence in their lives increases in importance. Because of this natural transition, it’s vital for us to assist our kids in connecting with quality mentors before they head into the next phase of life. 

Mentoring is not a new concept. We see evidence of these relationships in the Bible –  Moses and Joshua, Elijah and Elisha, Paul and Timothy, and especially Jesus and His disciples. Their relationships were about investing in others through teaching, care, guidance, support, advice, challenge, and modeling. The focus was on the relational learning process, not just a transfer of information.

To get an idea of what a mentor does, consider an outstanding coach. Coaches possess a deep knowledge of the sport. They know how to connect and develop relationships with the people on the team. Coaches demonstrate skills and allow adequate time for practice toward mastery. They support and encourage their team and model good sportsmanship. In a similar way, mentors do the same things.

When searching for mentors for your kids, consider the following areas:

Maturity

There should be an appropriate age gap between a mentor and a mentee. An age difference of at least five years or more is a good place to begin looking. In fact, choosing mentors of a variety of ages can be very beneficial because of the differences in life experience and perspective. A mentor needs to be someone who demonstrates personal, emotional, and spiritual maturity. The things you are looking to encourage in your child should be clearly evident in the person’s life. 

Connection

In order for mentoring to be successful, commonalities, or better yet, an already established relationship, should be present. A mentor needs to be someone you trust and who trusts you. To receive from another person, we have to feel comfortable with them and cared for by them. There should be a genuine connection between your child and a potential mentor. Some places to look would be Sunday School teachers, small group leaders, and close family friends.

Willingness

You’ll need to find people who are willing and able to accept this responsibility. Some people are comfortable with the idea, but not everyone sees themselves as mentor material. The word itself can be intimidating. Describing what you’re looking for in a mentor for your child brings clarity and makes the idea feel more doable. State your realistic expectations and give people time to think about it and ask questions. 

Qualities

Think about the qualities you want to be reinforced in your child’s life and look for someone who exemplifies those traits. The most important part of a Christian mentoring relationship is evidence of a growing, maturing faith as a disciple of Jesus. Out of that flows qualities like honesty, integrity, service, faithfulness, and kindness. If those traits are present in a mentor, they will certainly be modeled for your child.

Availability

A mentor should be able to be physically present on a regular basis. Because much learning is absorbed through observation, in-person times together are vital. A potential mentor needs to be available to spend time with your child at least a couple of times a month. In between those times, a person who is able to take occasional phone calls, answer texts, or make a quick connection in the hallways at church makes a good mentor.

Longevity

Sometimes, a mentor, such as a coach, is present for a season, and that short time can be impactful. However, you want to find people who will invest in your child in a long-term capacity. These kinds of relationships deepen as your child grows, and the personal connection means even more because the mentor and your child get to know one another well. If you have a mentor in your life who has been there for a long time, you understand the unique and meaningful relationship that develops through the years. 

Kids benefit from having mentors in their lives. In fact, many experts agree that the best number of mentors for one student is five. Think about the lasting impact five people would have on your child over the years. We know that students who feel connected to the larger church body through personal relationships are more likely to continue attending and growing in their faith walk. As you find others to speak into the life of your child spiritually, you are increasing the chance that his or her relationship with the Lord will continue to grow into adulthood.

For more information or help finding mentors, contact your church leaders. They are a wonderful resource for you as you seek others who can invest in your child’s life.