Dear Single Parents
by Amy Diller
Dear Single Parents,
Just so you know, you are raising your teenager under circumstances that church leaders don’t always pay enough attention to. It’s not that we don’t care deeply about you and your teenagers; we do. But our efforts to meet your specific needs for support and encouragement are sometimes not what they should be. That’s why I’m writing this letter on behalf of church leaders – to let you know that we desire to serve you in better ways than we have in the past.
The Lord brings to mind the Genesis 16 account of Hagar, the Egyptian slave who belonged to Abram’s wife, Sarai. In their childlessness and impatience in waiting for God to fulfill His promise to give Abram as many descendants as the stars in the sky, Sarai presented Hagar to Abram to be his wife and to conceive a child in her place. After suffering mistreatment at the hands of Sarai, Hagar ran away. It was in that place of what I can only imagine to be despair and hopelessness, that God pursued Hagar and met her right where she was. He told her she would have a son who she should name Ishmael, which means “God will hear.” It was this personal encounter with the God who loved her that led Hagar to proclaim in Genesis 16:13, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”
Every person longs to be seen, heard, and completely known. God met that need for Hagar. In a situation where she had little to no choice in the matter, God bestowed value and worth to her and her son. I don’t know the circumstances that brought you to single parenthood or the hurts you carry because of them, but I do know that the Lord, out of His abundant love and compassion, longs for you to know that He sees you, He hears you, and He places great value on you and your kids.
God also created us with the desire to be known in community with others. The best place to make those connections is at church, where the Lord is our foundation, and there are some things we’re pretty good at doing. We love teaching teens about God’s Word and their place in His story. It’s a joy to be able to encourage adolescents to develop friendships with one another and with other adults as they grow in their faith. It’s our pleasure to support and equip parents to spiritually lead their teens at home. We want very much to provide opportunities for moms and dads to connect with and learn from one another. We know that families of all shapes and sizes enjoy the shared experiences we can offer for fun and fellowship together, and it’s exciting for us to put these events together.
Where we fall short is when we assume that you, a single parent, have the exact same needs as two-parent families, and we fail to see the very different challenges you encounter. As the sole parent in your home, there are responsibilities you juggle in greater ways. You are constantly on 24/7 as a mom, dad, cook, cleaner, coach, homework helper, and taxi driver. Everything around the house that needs to be fixed falls on your shoulders. There’s always a lawn to be mowed, leaves to be raked, weeds to be pulled, and snow to be shoveled. Every appointment and sick day falls on you, and somewhere in the midst of all that, you still need time to care for yourself. It’s never-ending.
Here’s where I think we, as church leaders, can care for you in better ways than we have in the past. When we create opportunities for fun and fellowship or for practical and spiritual education for parents, we can take care of your teens so it’s easier for you to attend. Because there’s often the absence of one parent in a child’s life, we can help you find mentors to come alongside your teens to provide the Godly influence they might be missing. As we look at small groups or Bible studies we help facilitate for the church family; we can focus on creating a place for single parents to connect with one another. When groups in the church are looking for service projects, we can make them aware of the needs you may have both inside and outside your home.
My prayer is that we will always remember to make space for your voice in conversations, especially when we have no personal experience parenting alone. We need your perspective, your input, and your honesty as we seek to minister to all families, including those like yours. As God made Himself known to Hagar and saw her in a way she hadn’t been seen before, we want you to feel seen, heard, and loved as a uniquely valuable part of the body of local believers.