Created For Community
by Karin Sasser
I grew up in a home in which we attended church nearly every Sunday but didn’t really talk about faith, much less about having a relationship with God. It was in high school that a friend invited me to an FCA meeting, and I heard the gospel. I’m sure this wasn’t the first time I heard it, but it was the first time it really clicked for me. I started attending FCA regularly and developed deep friendships with other teens pursuing a relationship with Christ. My friendships had a huge impact on my life in my teen, college, and young adult years. I was very intentional when I went off to college to find friends who were pursuing their faith, and having that community helped me make many wise choices during my college years. One of my best friends in my young adult years helped me pursue a job in youth ministries. Friendships play such a huge role in our lives during our younger years, but I believe God desires us to have healthy friendships throughout our lives.
Being created for community is a theme we see throughout the Bible. We see it in the Trinity, in God stating it is not good for man to be alone in Genesis and then creating Eve, in God choosing a people to be set apart to reflect his nature, in the creation of his church, in the account of the body of Christ in 1 Corinthians 12, in the many admonitions on how to treat others throughout the New Testament, and ultimately in Christ dying on the cross so that we can be reconciled to both him and others. Being in community and having healthy friendships is definitely something we should be teaching our students. And often, whenever we are teaching our students about something, God is also trying to teach us or remind us of that same lesson.
Being a youth leader, especially if you work for a church, can sometimes actually be a little isolating. Sure, you may be around people often, but it doesn’t necessarily present opportunities to develop deep friendships. You are often seen more as a leader because, well, you are. You are at least seen more leader than as a peer or friend (hopefully). There are often unrealistic expectations or preconceived notions that you are “holier” than, better than, can’t relate to, or don’t have the same struggles as the average Christian. We all know this isn’t true, but it can sometimes make it difficult to have authentic relationships. Yet this doesn’t give us an out from pursuing genuine friendships and community. And sometimes, we do have genuine community with those with whom we work and serve, but we also need a friend or two with whom we can be incredibly vulnerable.
Who in your life encourages you when you are discouraged or celebrates with you in your successes? Who do you feel comfortable talking to about your struggles? Who knows you well enough to know your weaknesses and has permission to call you out on a sinful thought pattern or behavior? Do they know they have permission to do so? Have you told them?
Sometimes a spouse can fulfill some of these roles, but it is important to have a friend who can do so as well. If you don’t have a friend who plays this role in your life, this may be the opportunity to look for one. Or you may very well have a friend that could play this role, and you just need to invite them to do so.
As a youth leader, you are in a unique position to help students build healthy friendships. In addition to teaching about it, you can build in opportunities in your program for students to practice it. One easy way to do this is to provide time at both the beginning and end of programming for teens to just hang out. I know at the end of the night, many leaders are just ready to get home, but this is often a time that students really enjoy being together and can lead to conversations that they weren’t ready to have at the beginning of the night. If you don’t already do so, it can also be helpful to include nights in which you suspend regularly scheduled programming and have a “fun” night or a night off campus doing something fun. Let this be a reminder that when you just need a night off from planning a typical student ministry meeting or preparing a lesson, it is also a great opportunity for your students to just enjoy being with one another and developing their friendships as well as relationships with their leaders.